Diary of a Single Mother: Discipline
More often than not, when discussing my daughter's father with certain people I get the following responses: "You are so lucky that he's around," or "It's such a blessing when the father is involved in the child's life," or "Things would be so much harder without him around. You're so blessed." And more often than not, when I hear that I want to gag.
Now this is no shade to dad by any means. I'm very happy that my daughter has a father to look up to, to be around, to love. That's much more than I had. But everything that glitters ain't gold.
Being a single mother is HARD period! With dad around or not. While having dad around does make some things easier, (Lawd knows I love my weekends to myself LOL) it can also make some things a little harder like: DISCIPLINE.
Mean Mommy
This is especially tough when parents aren't on the same page. I am definitely the strict parent between the two of us. He has his moments where he puts his foot down but most of the time, he's the fun, get away with just about anything, "no dessert for you tonight" parent. Leaving me to be the "Where's my belt?" parent.
Exhibit A
Last week I had a talk with my daughter about acting up in class. I was letting her know that I wouldn't keep having this conversation and that next time there would be consequences (ya'll know what that means). Well that same day she got in trouble AGAIN! Lucky for her, dad picked her up from school. After dropping her off at home, I asked him what he had done (if anything) to discipline her for acting up. Homie said she didn't get to bring a cinnamon roll home and that she wouldn't get to do anything this weekend.......
We're in two different households with two different standards of discipline. Explaining why rules and expectations at daddy's house are different than at mommy's house takes work. This can be very confusing for a child and leave them wondering which tactic is "right."
Having to constantly consult someone, who doesn't live in your house and isn't around as much, before you do something involving your child can also be tiring. Having to go back and confirm or negate things because kids lie and tell half truths ALL. THE. TIME. isn't as easy as one might think either.
Exhibit B
Kids will lie about the smallest things too. My child will come home asking for food, acting like she's starving. Now I know that she normally eats before coming from her dad's house so of course I'll ask, "Didn't you eat at your dad's?" To which she'll reply, "I had lunch but not dinner." Knowing my child and how she has her own special truths, I'll give her dad a call. He'll inform me that not only did she have dinner but she had something lavish like: salad, lasagna and garlic bread, as well as ice cream and cake for dessert. Let her tell it, that wasn't dinner, it was "a second lunch."
I know you all are thinking, "Well that's a part of parenting, so deal." You're right, it is, but that doesn't mean it's easy. Those are things that parents with absentee partners don't have to deal with. I'm not saying that not having dads around is better at all. Dads are great, not as great as moms 😉 , but great none the less. I'm just saying before you go around telling people how easy things are or how much better things must be for them: Stop. Think about it. You really have no idea because you're not in that situation. When you want to comment on how easier parenting is for moms like me, take my advice: DON'T.